Unknown
It has been raining since morning. A respite from the May heat. Waking up to the sound of raindrops is such a nice feeling. You do not want to get up, but just lie there with closed eyes, listening to the symphony Nature got for you.
When I went for a run in the evening, I could see puddles of water everywhere in the park. I reminded myself to be extra careful today. Dogs were nowhere to be seen. They, too, must be dozing off somewhere, enjoying the cool weather. The rain had wash everything anew. I wish it washes away everything bad that has been happening around us. It has been a tough summer for everyone. The virus has taken many people away and left us with a feeling of numbness that is not easy to shake off. We are moving forward day after day, trying to cope up with it.
When you are running, your brain does not have the room to delve into thoughts, and it cuts you off from the worries, if only momentarily. Some time to regain your sanity and live in the present. You have read about loss so much, and the correct way to deal with it, but when you find yourself as the subject it is not as easy as it sounds. You feel compressed from all the different dimensions. There remains that thought, always at the edge of your mind, that you cannot happen to shake off. It looks for an opening and finds it way back, sooner or later. What follows is a cascade of flashbacks and you are back from where you started.
The sky looked magnificent blue, with specks of cloud spread across the canvas. Moon looked so pale in the daylight, almost like an afterthought. As the birds made there way back to the next, bats and owls were getting ready for their night shift. Bats. I never thought bats will have such an impact on our life.
Sometimes I try looking at my life from a third person’s PoV. Just observe my thoughts like cars rushing across the highway, without actually sitting in one. The philosophical outlook helps a little, but again it is tough to hold on to that.
This is an epoch in our journey, I am curious to see how we come out of it. Right now I am trying to find a refuge in my books. I recently read ‘A Gentleman in Moscow’ which is an absolutely wonderful book, more so if you love historical fictions. Even if you are not, do give it a read.
Currently, I am reading ‘Norwegian Wood’ by Murakami. It is sad, and somehow it is giving me the calm I was looking for. To find a company in this sadness, maybe. It is difficult to understand – some emotions. But maybe they are not meant to be understood. Just felt.
“No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sorrow that comes to us without warning.”
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood