Apparent Happiness

“Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

I will be waking up tomorrow not looking forward for a GoT episode. There will be rains though. Nothing else to look forward to. The morning will come and #mondaymotivation and #mondayblues will start trending next to each other. My excitement quota on Monday morning has been rather limited of late. There has been spikes but the overall mood tend to be rather gloomy.

Death. Is it a Friend? Is it an Enemy? Or is it neither? I recently read a book narrated by Death. The Book Thief. Death’s general tone, here, is more of a storytelling rather than a thriller. There is not a lot of anxiousness and excitement as you move forward. Yet I was glued to it till the very end.

Various shades of human emotions. A story set up in a German city during the second World War. Family. Friends. An unknown stranger. And the colors.

“People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it’s quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them.”

The sky was glowing chocolate this morning. The first splatter of the rain woke me up. A beautiful Sunday morning urged me to spend some time with it. I sat there looking at the horizon. No sign of Sun for the last few days. At least none that I have seen. The sky that I saw turning to orange from deepest black was then shining with it’s full glamour. It was not bright. But it surely shone.

Rains had took over by the afternoon and I could not see the sky. I was reading up the Dyatlov Pass incident, trying to understand the various questions the movie “Devil’s Pass” had left for us. Neither me nor Internet had the answer to most of the questions. The director must have played a nice hand there. But still, there are theories. There are always theories.

The sky is dusky brown right now. Vehicles running across the Eastern Express Highway. If you see the pattern of the traffic, you can exactly tell the time of the day. Not when it’s raining though. Abnormality throws everything off the balance. But it isn’t raining right now. And there is also a clock in the room. So I don’t see any point of all this, anyways.

“I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.” The Book Thief, more than naught, strikes a chord with me. Looking at everything that’s going around you. Apathetic to all of it. I feel same at times. For all the hues and cries. Division over political affiliation. Outcry over a statement by a celebrity. Debate over tolerance. I don’t want to be a part of it. For something that doesn’t directly impact me, I don’t like taking sides anymore. I wish to reserve my words for something else.

Currently, I am in that kind of mood. I am neither happy nor sad. I don’t want to be alone neither do I want someone to chat with. I am in an inertia of rest and don’t want to move an inch. Still I have been chasing something of late. Something invisible. Something I have been longing for some time now.

I am curious. Attentive. Doubtful. In more ways than one, I feel like a cat right now.